And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
