Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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