he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
