he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
