Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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