First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
