I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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