I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
