He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
