the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
