How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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