accomplished twins. life is a go
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
