I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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