does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
