just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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