I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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