my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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