1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
