turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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