Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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