Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
