just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
