This girl is more easily done than said...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
