my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
