i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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