Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I could fuck to npr.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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