I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
