if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
