i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
