Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
