I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
