i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
