my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
