Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
