I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
