I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize