4 words: hood of his car
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
