so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
