so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
