I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
