my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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