awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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