Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
