And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
