I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
