i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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