Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
