He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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