Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
