Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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