I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you told grandpa to call you daddy
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
