The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
