I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
