What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
