Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
