I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
