The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
