Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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