I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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