did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
