glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
