you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
