Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
