My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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