google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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