You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
