College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
