My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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