you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
